Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

Every two or three months, it occurs to me to look at our finances*.  This occurance is usually followed by several days of me freaking out, swearing to never shop or eat out again.  I also spend those days following Mr. A around saying things like “You are spending too much money on your work lunches! Take leftovers!  It is crazy to spend so much on lunches!”

In my imagination, I budget about $100 a week for groceries and $50 per week for eating out.  Looking at our expenses since mid-november, we have spend 1.5 times as much on groceries and about twice as much as my imaginary eating out budget.   Seriously, it is appalling how much money has been wasted.

Money (or rather fear of a lack of money) is a huge trigger for me.  When I was young and both my parents were in college, things were very tight for us.   It was only when I was in Jr. High and High School that money was no long a huge point of stress for my parents.  It made a big impression on me.  I have always had an irrational fear of debt.  Even “good debt” like our grad school loans is like a monkey on my back (and not a cute monkey either…more like a dirty monkey with big teeth and lice that tries to steal your cold can of soda on a hot day).  

Mr. A and I are extremely fortunate that we have a comfortable income.  We save for retirement and our kids education.  We don’t carry debt on our credit card.  In general, we are in pretty good shape.  We should have some money available to put into savings each month, but in all honesty we spend most of what Mr. A brings home.

I know exactly where the problems are.  Mr. A’s lunches out, a few extra meals of take out because I am tired or a luxurious night of sushi here or there add up very quickly.  And a few treats at Trader Joe’s seems to multiply into a $30-$50 dollar bill every time I am there. 

And don’t even get me started on Target.  It practically costs me $100 to walk through those doors. 

I have been on a shopping hiatus since January 1st.  I am trying my hardest not to buy anything unnecessary, in part because I want to use the money we save toward finishing the basement**.  I managed to walk out of Target today only purchasing diapers and birthday party invitations, but it nearly killed me.  “Good deals” were practically jumping off the shelves into my cart, which is ridiculous because there isn’t anything we really need.

I hadn’t included food or eating out in my shopping hiatus plans, but I think I probably should.

The current hard look at the finances is particularly difficult because of the moving discussion.  The job Mr. A wants would mean a pay cut of about 1/5th of his salary.  AND it would require that we move to a much more expensive city.  If necessary, I can always work.  Given my nonprofit salary, I don’t know if it would really be that profitable if we are paying bigger city prices for childcare.  I am also quite concerned about the possibility that we could lose money if we sell our house now.  Zillow says we shouldn’t, but who can say in this market? 

So anyway, the shopping hiatus continues.  The only exception is home-repair purchases and those aren’t even the slightest bit enjoyable for me.  (Seriously, buying ceiling grid is not my idea of a good time.)  We need to stick it out long enough for this to become a better habit.

*As I have discussed before, Mr. A manages the bills because when I manage them my anxiety level is just too high for us to function in a happy way.

**Which will hopefully make the house more desirable so it doesn’t sit on the market for a hundred years, even if it doesn’t add much to the price.