Comment Reply

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

Have I mentioned that I love getting comments?  I do.  I love, love, love them.  And you would think I would try to do a better job of answering them so people would be encouraged to write more.  As hard as it may be to believe it, I am actually pretty shy.  My palms get sweaty when I email people I don’t know.  I read and re-read my emails wondering if I sound like a dummy.  If I write to someone and they don’t write back, then I wonder if they thought I am more of a loser via email than I am on the blog.  Oh, the email anxiety!  (And now I am worrying that this entire paragraph may actually be TMI, but on we go anyway.)

There are other times that comments make me think of another whole post I could write.  Like this comment by Michelle from my recent post about my mom wanting to take M to church. 

Shouldn’t it be M’s decision? What wrong could come out of going to church a few hours per week? However, only good things could come out. If you are an atheist, it does not mean that your daughter has to be the same. Would you be angry with your daughters if one day they decide that they are Christians?

I think you’re projecting your own atheist mentality onto them without not seeing both sides of the story. What you believe now might not be what you will believe later, and certainly might not be what your children will believe.

This comment left me scratching my head.  I mean, M is only FIVE years old.  I make decisions for her all day long.  Why should church be any different?   

When M and L are old enough to make their own decisions, they will be free to go to church or temple or whatever they choose.   Heck, I will even let them be Republicans if it floats their boat.   But I am not going to send them to Young Republican camp just in case they may have those beliefs later.

Childhood is the time where their father and I will have the opportunity to share OUR values and OUR beliefs with them.  It is our perogative as their parents. 

My mom RARELY took my sister and me to church.  She missed her chance to share her beliefs with me.  She doesn’t get a do-over with my kids as a way of trying to fix her mistake.  This isn’t to say she can’t share her beliefs with our kids.  She can.  She can talk to them about it as much as she wants, as long as she is respectful of Mr. A and my beliefs. 

But we will not allow her to take our kids to learn OTHER people’s beliefs without knowing what our children are being taught.  I don’t know what the sunday school teachers teach there, or what the minister preaches.  I don’t have the time or the inclination to go find out.  Mr. A went to the Christmas play to see if he was comfortable with this specific church’s teachings.  After that, he decided he *wasn’t* comfortable with the girls going there.  I won’t send them to a church that may (or may not) tell them their parents and family members and friends are going to hell.  I am not willing to spend my sundays policing the messages that the girls receive from strangers. 

What wrong could come out of M going to church a few hours a week?  Well, *I* used to go to church every week with my grandparents.  And one week, the minister’s wife took it upon herself to show my 9 year-old self pictures of aborted fetuses and told us how abortion doctors would go to hell and how abortion is murder.

These statements were totally against this denomination’s official stance on abortion.  I also do not think they were statements that my parents would have supported.  But my parents weren’t at church, so I didn’t know how they felt about what I was learning there.

I was horrified and had nightmares for years after that day.  I was strongly against abortion based on that one conversation. 

Until I grew up, started thinking for myself and decided that woman was a jerk who was taking advantage of impressionable little kids.   I also decided I didn’t believe in a God who was not compassionate for women and families in crisis*. 

And I got a job at an abortion clinic.  I am very proud of that choice.  

Funny how things work out, isn’t it?  

Will I be angry if my children grow up and choose to be Christians?  Of course not.  My husband is Christian.  I have lots of Christian friends.  Most of my extended family is Christian.  I like most of them.  Heck, I even worked in Christian churches in my last job and I have tons of respect for the people I met and they work they do.

I will not be angry if my children grow up and choose to be Christian, but I will be greatly disappointed if my children grow up and don’t feel compassion for people in difficult circumstances.  I will be sad if they can’t love and accept people who are different from them.  I will be sad if they don’t grow up to be kind and loving with open hearts.

Could they learn these things in church?  Maybe.  Hopefully.  But the wouldn’t learn it in every church. 

They hope they will learn it from me.  If that is what my “mentality” teaches them, I will die a proud and happy mother.

*And does that mean I don’t believe in God? No.  That athiest label was not mine.  I only said I wasn’t a Christian.