Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

On to less serious topics…

• Only 3 weeks until school starts.  I already bought all M’s school supplies, her lunch box/thermos and backpack.  We aren’t really going to buy her any new clothes until the weather turns chilly.  We are super-duper fortunate that my good friend sends M and L her girls’ hand-me-downs and they are in immaculate condition.  M may end up needing a few sweaters/jeans, but she will be dressed to the nines in name brand or boutique beautiful dresses and outfits for the first couple months.  She will need two new pairs of shoes so I am going to go get her feet measured today so I can order them online.  I am thinking she will probably need a pair of maryjanes and maybe some tennis / gym shoes.

• Since we don’t have to buy new clothes, I am going to indulge myself and buy new socks for both M and L.  Despite my best efforts to buy them all all the same kinds of only black and white socks, we seem to not have any matching pairs anywhere in this house.  WTF??  I am so fed up, I am just going to throw all the old socks away and start fresh.

• Is it wrong that I already google-stalked all the kindergarten teachers?

• Our shopping hiatus is officially over today. (We extended it one week into august because we didn’t want to worry so much about expenses on vacation in July)   I tried desperately to cheat and buy myself some much-needed new t-shirts and fall clothes last weekend but came home completely empty handed.  Apparently, this year the designers have decided that women are actually 7 feet tall, so the t-shirts all hang down to the bottom of my ass.  Is it too hard to make a standard, regular length t-shirt?

• Today, I read this article and then downloaded the Edison program.  We are working on making small changes to help cut our energy usage, so maybe this will help a little.  I have also been trying to unplug appliances we are not using.  Baby steps, but every little bit helps, right?

Over and out.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

In a comment, AlisonG asked:

I’m curious about how you talk to M and L about Asian appearance. My daughter (Chinese) is 2.5 and I’m searching for terms for her skin colour, eye shape, etc. that don’t come across as racist or offensive. Any suggestions?

I mentioned this in one of the previous posts, but I thought it might be good to elaborate on it a little.

We talk quite a bit about being Chinese or Taiwanesse or Asian and what that means.  It is just a regular part of our day-to-day conversation.  I suppose it might sound weird in other families, but in our house, it is was it is.

For example, last week we had tofu for dinner and this was the conversation:

Mr. A: “L sure is a good Chinese girl! She loves this tofu!”

M: “Do all chinese people like tofu?  Because I like this one but I don’t like the brown kind (dried tofu).”

Mr. A: “Oh, not all Chinese people like tofu, but in China people eat a lot of tofu.  Even if you don’t like tofu, you are still Chinese because I am Chinese.”

M: “Well, that brown kind is yucky.  I like RICE because I am Chinese, right Daddy?”

Mr. A: “Lots of people in China eat rice, that’s for sure.  The rice we buy comes from China.  People in China eat a lot of rice, but they also eat a lot of noodles.”

Yada, yada, yada.  (I should note that I often let Mr. A handle these conversations about what Chinese people are like, because I think it is his perogative to define “chinese” not mine.)
M doesn’t really have a handle on racial identification based on appearance yet, which is why I was so surprised by the park thing.  We have tried to discuss it with her, but she doesn’t get it.
I just went and asked M to tell me what Chinese people look like and she said this:  Black hair, kind of dark skin, and Chinese clothes (?!?).    I asked “What about you? Your hair isn’t black?”  She agreed that her hair isn’t black, then she said her skin is a little dark and she “knows Chinese words, silly!” so she is Chinese.

Then we ran through some examples of other people with brown skin and black hair who are not Chinese.  She could tell me the ethnicity of kids from school who meet this description (Japanese, Indian, Mexican/Germanese etc.) because they talked a lot about this at her school*.
Then, when we went over examples of other people whose ancestry she didn’t know, she was clueless.  For example, yesterday a friend and her son came to visit and they were both South Asian (but born here).  When I asked M what they were, she said “English.”  When I asked why she thought that, she said “Because I have only ever seen them in America.”  (Which totally  makes no sense given she has only known the vast majority of people in her life in America.)
I think she isn’t yet ready developmentally to grasp the subtleties of visual racial clues, unless they are very obvious or accompanied by another language/accent. I need to get out my book on raising multiracial kids and see what she is developmentally able to grasp at this age.

We usually let M lead these conversations and tell us how she thinks people look.

I just asked her if she thinks there is anything different about people’s eyes and she said “The colors? Oh, and also the size.  L has little eyes, you have big eyes, I have medium eyes.”

I thought maybe she was trying to talk about Asian eyes as “little” but then I asked her to elaborate and she said “L has the littlest eyes, mine are bigger, yours are bigger than mine, but Daddy’s are the biggest because he is the biggest person in our family!”

So I think she was actually talking about the size of the person’s body and head, not the shape of the eye.
Also, I think the distinctions between white and Asian will be less obvious to our kids because they see so many people of both groups intermixed all the time (in our family, extended family, their friend’s families, etc.).  It definitely isn’t unusual for them to see a white dad, Asian mom and 100% Asian kid in one family,  white mom and two Asian kids in another family or all Asians in a single family.  So I think no one really stands out as “different” in those to categories for her.

*There was also some negatives to this conversation happening outside our control.  For example, her teacher Mrs. Kim told the kids that “Koreans have white skin.  People from India have brown skin.”  So even though there were Indian kids and Korean kids in the class with *very* similar skin tones, they were being told that one was “white” and one was “brown”.  That isn’t exactly how I would have handled that situation, obviously.  I would have had each kid define their own skin color.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

When I decided to take M to the park, I was a little concerned about what might happen.  Sure, I wanted M to learn that she was being silly.  At the same time I didn’t want M to have an opportunity to hurt the other little girl’s feelings, which seemed like a definite possibility given M’s very forthright declaration of not wanting to play with someone who was “different” because she had “brown skin and braids”.  I was planning on very closely monitoring the situation.
As soon as we entered the park and the little girl caught sight of M, she headed straight toward us.  As she ran up, M said “HI!” but kept on doing what she was doing.   The other girl didn’t say anything.   M continued playing (and narrating her play to me and L) and the little girl continued following her wordlessly, always staying about 6-7 feet away.  The lack of interaction was a little strange.

M decided she wanted to swing, so M, L and I headed over there.  The little girl stuck right behind M, still not talking.

When we got to the swings, I decided I would talk if no one else was going to.

“So, what is your name?” I asked.

“Molly.”  she said.

“Hi Molly, this is M and L.”  I said.

“How old are you?” M asked, “I am five years old!  My birthday is on February 9, 2003!  What year were you born?
“I’m three.” Molly said.

Knowing that Molly was three, her lack of conversation made a lot more sense. Molly was only about an inch shorter than 5 1/2 year old M and she really looked 5.  As soon as we found out she was only three, it was clear she was just acting like a three year old who really likes big kids.  As the mostly one-sided conversation (from M) continued, I also concluded that Molly may be bilingual due to the way she was putting her sentences together and a slight accent.  (I am guessing her parents were from Africa, but I don’t know.)

M continued to chatter on and on.  Molly answered her questions occasionally.  M tried to explain an imaginary game that she wanted to play to Molly, but Molly didn’t always follow M’s rules.  I reminded M a few times that Molly was only three and M adjusted her play.  They ran off to the slides together and played uneventfully for another 10 minutes, until we had to go home.

On the way home, I reminded M that she had said she didn’t want to play with Molly before because she looked different.  “Well, that was before I knew her,” M said.  We talked about how silly that was and that Molly ended up being a good playmate.  We talked again about all our friends who had differences and how they are different.  (We have continued to have this conversation over the past few days.  M seems to enjoy it.)  We also talked about how M might feel if someone didn’t want to play with her because she was Chinese or had brown hair or was a girl.  M agreed she would feel sad and she didn’t want to make other people sad.  Then we went home and she went to bed.

Sorry to disappoint the folks who thought there would be some big, dramatic ending to this story, but it was real life.

I will be honest and say some part of me hopes that the original issue came up because Molly was only 3 (but looks 5) and didn’t play the way M expected her to.  Mr. A said they had talked a little before M started to ignore her, so it could be possible.  That doesn’t explain why M would blame Molly’s hair or skin color though.

The truth is I don’t know where this came from.  M does have some friends who are Black and she has made friends with other Black kids in the park easily recently.  There were no African American kids at M’s preschool, but there were a number of very dark-skinned south Asian kids.  While M could tell me where every classmate’s parents immigrated or ancestors originated from and their skin/hair color, she had never placed any good/bad value on it to my knowledge.
I know I shouldn’t have been so surprised that this would happen, but it caught me off guard.  I felt like we are trying to do a decent job of being anti-racist in our parenting.  I think talk a lot about race and ethnicity in what I think is an age-appropriate way.  I am realizing that we have talked a lot about differences, but not much about discrimination.   I think M has shown us it is time for us to broaden the conversation.

Maybe we haven’t done enough in our day to day lives either. Maybe it was a mistake to send M to the preschool where the ethnic mix was mostly Asian, white and hapa.  We knew we were sacrificing other diversity, but I felt like it was worth it for M to come out of preschool with a solid understanding of herself as (half) Asian and knowing other kids who shared that experience (which she did).  I don’t know.

While I am not proud of this situation, but if I had neglected to share it here, it would have been really hypocritical after all my talk about being anti-racist.  Even if we parent in a perfectly anti-racist way, our girls will be out in the world being influenced by people/things out of our control.  We are trying to use it as a learning opportunity.

We just have to keep plugging away, I guess.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

“Ok, M, we are going back to the park!” I said.

Even though this was a strange turn of events at 7:20 pm, M didn’t seem to mind.

“You know, M, you said something before that made me think of a story.  When Mommy and Daddy first met, some people said ‘I can’t believe you two are friends!  You look so different!’ but we said “Don’t be silly!  Looking alike doesn’t have anything to do with who is a good friend!’  and Mommy and Daddy became best friends.  We ended up getting married!   Weren’t those people silly?”  I said, possibly a little bit of desperation in my voice.

M looked confused.  “But you and daddy DO look alike,” she said.

Hmm.  This presented a problem.  In previous discussions, M had indicated that she has a very difficult time recognizing the physical traits that people generally use to differentiate between Asians and people of European descent.  (In part, I think this is because she currently refers to herself as “white skin,” but she has some of the other traits.  We have had other recent conversations about “half Chinese” and her confusion, but that would be a different post.)  So we spent a minute or two talking about how some people think Asians’ eyes look a certain way, skin tone, and hair color.   It still didn’t seem like she was getting that Mr. A and I were viewed as different from each other, so I decided to change stories.

“M, do you remember meeting my friend Amelia?  Do you remember what she looked like?”  I asked.

M described my friend’s brown skin and very short hair.  M has always been fascinated with Amelia’s very, very short hair.
“Amelia and Mommy look very different, don’t we?  Amelia has dark skin, because she is from Africa.  Mommy has lighter skin because my ancestors were from Europe. But we are still good friends, right?”

M conceded that yes, we are friends.

“Don’t you think it would be silly if I never talked to Amelia because she looked different from me?  How would I know she could be such a good friend if I never talked to her?”  I asked.

“Yes, she is your friend and she looks very different!” M said, “She has really, really, really short hair!”

“And she has dark skin,” I said, afraid M was trying to change the subject.  “I have lots of friends who look different from me and you have lots of friends who look different from you.  Can you think of ways our friends are different from us?”

Then we ran down a list of our friends, naming each one and describing something that was different than ourselves.  We talked about different hair color, skin color, different languages people speak etc.

“And look at F!” I said, “You are friends with him and he is a BOY! That is different from you!  He has a PENIS!”

M looked at me and said, “Mama, let’s keep potty talk out of this conversation.”

So then I told M I was surprised to hear her say she didn’t want to play with someone because she had different hair and dark skin.   “She could be a very nice girl and a good friend.  Just like all our other friends who are different from us. You will never know unless you talk to her.” I said.

Just then, we rounded the corner to the park.  I saw a little girl who was about M’s age with dark skin and braids playing on the playground.  I took a deep breath and we headed toward the slides.
(To be continued)

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

The other night, Mr. A took the girls to the playground after dinner.  When they came home about 45 minutes later, Mr. A whispered “Uh, there was an incident at the playground…”

This is what he described:  M and L were playing at the playground and a little girl seemed VERY interested in playing with M.  The little girl was Black, with dark skin and many braids.  Usually, M is happy to play with anyone who will talk to her (particularly girls about her age), but not for some reason not this girl.  Mr. A said M consistently ignored the little girl, despite her clear interest.

“I think she didn’t want to play with her because she was Black!” Mr. A whispered, “I didn’t know what to do, so we just came home.”
As you can imagine, this information made my stomach drop.  I immediately flashed back to the many, many conversations I have had with M trying to avoid this very situation.

I decided to try to find out more info.  I casually asked M if she made any new friends at the park.

“Not tonight,” she said, refusing to elaborate.

“Oh, weren’t there any kids there who were your age?” I asked.

“There was a girl…” M said, “But she was DIFFERENT so I didn’t want to play with her.”

(That loud thunk you just heard in your imagination was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor.)

“How was she different?” I said, very afraid to hear the answer.

“She had BRAIDS,” M said, “Lots and lots of braids.  And her skin was very dark.”

So there it was.  There was no way to pretend that M was avoiding the girl for some other reason.  She just laid it all out there.

“Huh.” I said and backed out of the room to confer with Mr. A.

“OMFG!?!?! Did you hear what she said?? What the F-ITY F  F F?!??!?!?” I hissed.

“She said THAT?!?!” he said, “What are we supposed to DO?”

“Well, we damn well have to do SOMETHING.” I said, “Was that girl still at the park?  Maybe I should talk to M and take her back over there so she can learn that she is being ridiculous?”

After a quick discussion, that is exactly what I decided to do.

(To Be Continued)

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

I swear, I never learn.

This winter I managed to successfully wean myself off caffeine because it wrecks my sleep no matter when I drink it.  (I sincerely believe I have this gene mutation.) Now, I only drink decaf coffee or caffeine free soda.  Unless there is a lack-of-sleep emergency, that is.

Last night, L was a sleep trainwreck.  She woke me up maybe four or five times (which is completely unacceptable for a 2.3 year old IMO).

This morning, I was very very tired, so I made myself a big cup of half-caf coffee.  HALF CAF.  That shouldn’t be a big deal, right?

So not 30 minutes later, I noticed I was feeling extremely anxious and shakey.  For no good reason, I am a giant barrel of anxiety.  And then I remembered the damn coffee.

Stupid coffee.

Now I am going to have to wait two hours for these damn jitters to wear off.
—————————————————————————

On to other things, I could use some suggestions.  M’s favorite books are the Junie B. Jones series.  For a long time, we would read them together, one chapter per night.  Now, all the sudden, she doesn’t have the patience to wait for that and has been reading them on her own.  Yesterday, she sat down for about an hour and a half and read three of them in a row.

She has read all but maybe 6 or 7 of them now.  I need to come up with another series of books to keep her busy.  She has already read all the Ramona books, but she isn’t quite ready to read at the Little House on the Prairie level of difficulty yet.

I also hope to keep her reading age-appropriate subject matter.  For example, I think she could probably read the Babysitters’ Club books level of difficulty, but she probably wouldn’t be interested in the pre-teen subject matter.  She is also adamantly opposed to anything remotely scary, so Harry Potter is not possible yet (plus, I think it is still to complex for her to understand the storyline.)
Any suggestions?

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

Today, the girls are trying to kill me, one tiny complaint at a time. 

If it is possible to actually be whined to death, I am knocking on death’s door.  Or wait, maybe I am already dead and this is a particularly sadistic version of Hell?

I am barricaded in the office right now and I am actually contemplating putting in ear plugs so I can’t hear them whining to Mr. A. 

Bedtime can not come soon enough.

*Actually, I was going to title this Chinese Water Torture, but then I realized I don’t have the energy to argue with someone who may be offended by it.  But, yo.  For the record, they are both Chinese and they are torturing me.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

About a month ago, M got a letter inviting her to join a “Sticker Club”.  Basically, stickers club is nothing but a glorified chain letter.  M was asked to send a Sticker Club invitation to six of her friends and to send one pack of stickers to the first person on the enclosed list of two names.   Then, M was supposed to add her name to the list.  When her six friends sent Sticker Club invitations to six friends, M would theoretically receive 36 packs of stickers in the mail.

When I saw the Sticker Club invitatation, I groaned.  But M loves, loves, LOVES mail, so I dutifully helped her copy the letter and send it to six friends (Whose parents were, I imagine, as unthrilled as I was to be invited.)  Before we sent out our six letters, I warned M that she was unlikely to receive 36 packs of stickers because the whole thing was such a hassle.

So far, M has received one pack of stickers.

While it might sound like that is a disappointing return on our efforts, M was thrilled.  The day she got them, she spend the day carrying them around, making plans about where exactly she would stick them and protecting them from L’s greedy little hands.

That evening, she was examining her stickers when she said: “Hey Mama!  We should start a money club!” 

I didn’t get what she was talking about, so I asked her to explain.

“You know, we send letters and ask people to send us DOLLARS instead of STICKERS! It would be amazing! I would be rich!”

I had to explain to her that someone already thought of Money Club and it is illegal.  

But good for her for taking some initiative to hustle for the dough. 

Maybe next week, she will re-invent Amway.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

The children, they are beating me down.

I am realizing the $350 we spent to send M to preschool 5 days a week was the most important thing we have ever done for my sanity.  She is on summer break now and I am exhausted.

Apparently, since M is not in school, she needs to get her socializing/talking out anyway.  Since I am the only person around, I am the lucky one who gets to listen to 9 hours of a 5 year-old’s stream-of-consciousness each day.  OMG, is she never silent?  Is there not ONE SINGLE THOUGHT she can keep to herself?   

Apparently, the answer is no.  There is not.

Who knew she was thinking so many things?  So many incredibly BORING and REPETITIVE things!

And L, my darling baby two year old, has decided that now is the time to fight to the death for every single whim that enters her pretty little head.  If it occurs to her that XYZ might be a good idea, she must have XYZ.  NOW.  NO, she really means it NOW! NOW! NOW!  And god forbid I should try to tell her no.  Or ask her to wait for a few minutes.  Oh, she will rain down her wrath on anyone who even dares to suggest she shouldn’t have what she wants when she wants it.  The flailing and screaming and crying is rarely worth the effort.  Do I really care that much if she eats an extra snack?  No, it turns out I don’t care enough.  I just give it to her.  I am wondering if this kind of behavior with tired parents is why my little sister got away murder.

And just when you think I might get a break at bedtime, then the real joy of summer strikes.  They don’t sleep if it isn’t dark.  Even with blackout curtains.  The big one stays up until well after 9:00 pm wiggling and thumping around in her bed.  The little one wakes up at 5:00 a.m. and then again at 6:00 a.m..  She can not be convinced to go back to sleep.

I am scheduling as many playdates and activities as I can stand.  I am making them play and swim to wear them out so they will sleep well.  I am clinging to my sanity by the skin of my teeth.  And counting down the days until school starts.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

M has made great progress learning to ride her bike.  She can now ride pretty effectively…as long as she doesn’t have to turn.   Tonight, Mr. A took her to the park to ride around the big oval track to practice, but the third turn got the better of her.

She crashed.  On her face.  Or more specifically, her right cheek.   Fortunately, it didn’t break the skin, but she is going to have one hell of a bruise tomorrow.

After she fell, Mr. A called me at home and asked me to come to the park.  He had both girls (one screaming, one bewildered) and a scuffed-up bike to walk home.  It sounded like an extra set of hands was warranted.

M had calmed down considerably in the 5 minutes it took me to walk there, but as soon as she saw me, she started sobbing with those big, gut-wrenching sobs that kids get.  Now that she walks through her days with a big-kid hop, skip and jump, it is easy to forget how much a girl needs her mama sometimes.  Even a rough and tumble strong girl.

As we were walking home and M was working on stifling her big shakey breaths, I told M we should nickname her “Tuffy” because she is such a tough kid.

She told me “No.  Tuffy is not a girl name.  My nickname can be Ariel.” 

We compromised with “Tuffy-Ariel” which is a bit of a mouthfull, but it is hard to argue with a girl sporting a giant goose egg on her face.  

I told her when people asked what happened to her face, she should tell people she got into a bar fight.  For obvious reasons, that joke went right over her head.  M said she would rather tell them she got into a fight with her bike.  We decided that the bike won that round.

After a brief rendezvous with a bag of frozen peas and a red popcicle, Tuffy-Ariel ran off to bed with one more milestone under her belt.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

Today was M’s end-of-the-school-year picnic at preschool.  I was a little weepy at the thought of my little girl leaving the school where she spent the last two years.  M was unimpressed by the final goodbyes.

How can it be that M is going to be in kindergarten?  Holy crap.  What happened to my baby?

I have to admit, I am also shaking in my boots over the long upcoming summer with no scheduled daily activities.   I hope I can survive with my sanity intact.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

Memorial day weekend is always the best weather.  It is also the annual Asian festival.  What a lovely day we had on saturday. 

M falls prey to insurance marketing.

L loves the tiny southeast Asian house.

 Mr. A, BIL, and double-decker cousins.

 New-to-me car with hopefully better gas mileage, no leaking oil and 120,000 less miles than my old car.

M is learning to ride a two-wheeler.

The most beautiful smile in the world. 

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

The Spring Fever that is.

It is amazing what a little sunshine can do for a person.  I am also a little euphoric about the relief from the move-as-fast-as-possible dog situation.  Now we are back on a more sane schedule of getting the house ready in our spare time, just in case Mr. A gets an interview in another city.  It has been 2.5 or 3 weeks and we haven’t heard anything, so I am starting to relax a little. 

M has her kindergarten observation tomorrow.  I am not sure exactly what they are observing, but I am a little excited for her.  She is a tiny bit nervous, but I think she will be fine. 

I am relieved that age 5 seems to be a big improvement over age 4.5.  As predicted by Ames and Ilg (oh, how I enjoyed that book), M is generally happy to make me happy.  She isn’t too defiant, has few tantrums, is happy to go with the flow and generally behaves quite nicely. 

The downside of 5 is the flipside of all that easygoingness.  M just happily gallops through her days, but her impulse control seems to have gone out the window.  She doesn’t mean to cause trouble, but she doesn’t seem to think of any consequences for her actions. 

In joyful, excited moments, she does all kinds of infuriating things without thinking and then seems surprised that we are annoyed.  For example, the other day she was gleefully running around the house dragging a piece of twine she fished out of a trash bag.  This wouldn’t be such a big deal if the twine wasn’t twisted around the end of a WET PAINT ROLLER.  M had made her way through three rooms before I saw what she was doing…a trail of paint marking the hardwood floors behind her.  

I honestly think she wasn’t trying to be bad when she threw a rock at my car windshield, poked her sister in the head with a big stick, jumped in the middle of a huge mudpuddle and threw her entire lunch away because I told her no dessert until she was done eating and cleared her plate.  Each time, she seemed genuinely surprised that she was being reprimanded.  I swear, it is like living with Ramona Quimby.

M is also growing quite rapidly.  She seems to find it difficult to control her body.  She is constantly plowing into me, tripping over her own feet, throwing herself directly into the screen of the screen door, poking her head out the open window, and standing on my feet.  She is gangly and awkward, but wants to cuddle like she did when she was two only now her elbows and knees are constantly poking and prodding at me.

M is so big and so little at the same time.  Time seems to be going too fast all the sudden.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

I know this probably isn’t interesting to anyone but me, especially for those people who get lots of snow all the time.  But!  This is the most snow we have had in the last decade! 

L is not too sure about the snow.  We really should take M skiing someday, since she owns all the gear.

 Today’s big accomplishment.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

And on with the questions….

7) You have posted about not wanting to have a lot of toys in the house. What are the main ways your girls entertain themselves? Sports? Dramatic play? Fun with household items? We have a lot of toys and we still run out of things to do. I am curious.

I sincerely believe the more toys my kids have, the less they play with.  I suspect this is because they survey they playroom and only see piles of things and can’t see the individual toys.

When I force M to stop following me around saying she is bored, she is most likely to go draw, write letters or color.  This makes her art box one of the most used toys in the house.  She has also been spending a lot of time playing imaginary games with these toy horses which she received at her birthday party.  She also received a webkinz horse or donkey and she plays with it and her pegasus toy from Disneyland a lot too.  (She doesn’t know that there is any webkinz connection with the internet). 

M likes to push her animals/dolls around in a toy umbrella stroller while pretending things like they are all astronauts etc.  M also likes board games, though she usually plays with Mr. A because I dislike board games and I am mean like that.  Her current favorite is Caliboo.  M will occasionally play House with her little friends, but she has never once played dress up, despite owning several princess outfits. 

Now that she can read, M spends at least an hour or two every day reading to herself.  We try to go  to the library every week or two.  Right now, she is devouring the Bearenstain Bears.  (BTW, who the heck knew that the Bearenstain Bears often have a religious message to them?  M is now praying every night after reading it in one of those dumb books.)

L likes to try to play with whatever M is playing with and whatever M doesn’t want her to touch, especially the dolls stroller.  L also likes any toys that play music or make noise, particularly early in the morning while I am still sleeping.   L is much more interested in baby dolls than M ever was.  She likes to carry them around and feed them toy bottles.  She really likes stuffed animals and has a habit of biting them right on the face.  The tupperware drawer is also huge favorite too.

8)  I know you had a post a while back around Ashley’s question where you were looking for quick, easy and tasty dinner ideas. What ideas did you end up trying, and what worked well for you, Mr. A and the girls?

This is similar to the answer on the other question, but when I was originally looking for suggestions I think it was because L was a total wreck every time I tried to make dinner.  Now she is much less interested in hanging on me when it is time to cook.  She is also more easily distracted by the Wiggles when I really need her to give me a break.  

Another easy and relatively quick recipe I make is this Banana Bread.  I found it by googling “world’s best banana bread recipe” and it really, really is.  It looks more complicated than it is.  I only use the first set of ingredients.   God, I might need to make some tomorrow now that I am thinking about it.  I get compliments every time I take it to potlucky things.

9)  How do you answer (if it comes up) the “what do you do?” type questions. I hate them but I’m curious as to how other people answer them.   Also, what kind of work (paid kind) would you like to do in the future…nonprofit again….any specific field of interest.

I think I usually just say “I am not working right now, I am home with my girls.”  I don’t actually get that question very often because I am usually only found in places where other people are during the day with their kids.  When I do respond though, I say it with a bit of an attitude, like, “What? You don’t think that is a job?”

If I ever do go back to work (I imagine sooner or later I will do SOMETHING to help pass time), I would almost certainly do nonprofit work.  All my professional experience is in nonprofit fundraising, grant management and project management.  I can’t really imagine what kind of professional job I would have if it wasn’t in a nonprofit.

Most of my experience has also been in adolescent reproductive health and teen pregnancy prevention.  This is one of my very favorite charitable causes and I would work in that field forever if I can find a job doing it.  I also really loved the volunteer work I have done in the past with refugees, though I haven’t ever done that work for pay.  Our city has a very large and growing refugee population, so that is a viable option.  In a pinch, I would be willing to work for most liberal kinds of causes (environment, women’s issues, human rights, etc.).

I think I have only two more questions left, but I have a lot to say about them.  I will try to do that tomorrow or over the weekend.  

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

This week, Mr. A and I have had a few conversations about the traditions and rituals we want to create for our family.  We both believe creating rituals will help connect us as a family, as well as reinforcing the values and traditions we want to pass on to the girls.  My family did a good job at creating family traditions as we were growing up.   Mr. A’s not so much.

When we were talking about how we want to celebrate Chinese New Year, Mr. A only had some vague memories to draw on.  That means we are pretty much making it up as we go along.   This is the first year we are taking it a little more seriously than we have in the past, because M is probably old enough to start forming memories.  Now is as good a time as any, I guess.  That being said, obviously we aren’t experts on CNY traditions.

This is a picture of the good luck (I think) banner things we hung on the door.  When my MIL saw them last weekend, she said “OH! Now people will know a Chinese person lives here!”  I am not sure if she meant that as a good thing or a bad thing.  Usually, we prefer the banners with the chubby babies, but we got to the store too late and they were sold out.

(Our door is actually more red than pink.  the flash just makes it look very mauve.)

Despite all my smart-assed comments about white people dressing their kids in Chinese traditional clothing, this is what the girls were wearing today.  It was totally by coincidence that I realized we had new outfits for both of them and Mr. A thought it would be fun if they dressed up.  M’s is from her dance recital last year, which she didn’t attend because we were in China.  L’s outfit was originally given to M by Mr. A’s aunt, I think, but she never wore it.   Both girls liked wearing the outfits, though L slid off her chair at dinner due to the silky pants and bumped herself pretty hard.

Mr. A took off from work early to come home and make dinner.  His Chinese cooking skills are usually far superior to mine.  We didn’t have a real feast because it was just the four of us, but he made long life noodles, bean sprouts and baby bok choy.  L scarfed up the noodles like a girl who hasn’t been fed in a week.  She seriously loves Chinese food.  I forgot to take a picture of dinner, but for dessert we had mochi instead of nian gao (basically because it is a little bit yummier).  L loved the mochi and kept stealing them off the table when we weren’t looking.

After dinner, we all read this book together.  M liked it.  L was not at all interested and used our distractedness to try to swipe more mochi.

Then, M got to work making some ghost money.  The ancestors will be living large now, because she drew two thousand-dollar bills featuring Blue and Magenta from Blue’s Clues.  We each lit three sticks of incense, I think because three is a lucky number.  But also, because we have ancestors in three families: mine, Mr. A’s, and L’s family.  We each sent our prayers/wishes to heaven with the incense and burned the spirit money. 

Then, Mr. A and I gave the girls their hongbao.  We asked M say Gong Xi Fa Cai! and bow, which she did.  That was basically how we celebrated Chinese New Year tonight.  We wanted firecrackers, but apparently they are illegal and thus unavailable in our state at this time of  year.  Next year, we will have to pick some up around the forth of july and hoard them until CNY.

 (This photo and the reading one were reinacted for your blog-reading pleasure.)

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

A couple people have asked me to post about how we celebrate Chinese New Year.   This year, CNY coincides with the insanity that is M’s 5th birthday (including not one, but two birthday parties).  I thought it might be easier to do a small series of photo posts instead of just typing out what we have been up to.

Saturday night, we had an impromptu Chinese New Year dinner at Mr. A’s sister’s house.  MIL brought a feast of foods that she bought at a Chinese grocery store and they were delicious.  It didn’t occur to me to take photos of the food, so you will have to imagine it.

Then, after dinner. M did a little performance of a couple Chinese songs.  She tried to enlist L and her cousin S.  This photo is of all of them playing Ba Luo Bo .  Mr. A joined in too.

Then, M did her own lion dance with a play costume we brought home from China.

MIL gave the girls hongbao and asked them to bow to their parents.  They did (L was the best, most compliant bower.)  Then they also bowed to MIL, I think.    It was not thing too formal.  A fun time was had by everyone.

 Sunday

Today we had M’s family birthday party.  It was just cake and ice cream, then she opened some presents.  I can not believe she is almost 5.

L loved the cake and the hats.

Then we headed over to the new and improved, Midwestern city, Chinese New Year EXTRAVAGANZA ™.  This year, our Chinese schools partnered with the Chinese schools from 5(!) cities in our region to put on a huge CNY performance.   It was a very Chinese event, with many formal speeches and gifts being traded among the principals of the different schools. 

M with two of her good friends while they were waiting to enter the auditorium.

We were surprised and pleased that CNY Extravaganza ™ was fairly well organized and not running too far behind schedule.  (Just as an aside, it must be the new administration.  Last year, pretty much everything at Chinese School was late, chaotic and organized very poorly.)  The kind schedulers had M’s dance class very close to the beginning of the second performance session. 

The first act was a lion dance.

 M and friends watching the lion dance.

Not long after that, M’s class danced.  They are the youngest class, ranging from 3 year olds to 5  year olds.   They are enthusiastic, but most of them have very short attention spans.   One little girl got distracted and just played with her tutu for about 1/3 of the dance.

When the dance was over, MIL was heard proudly saying “OH! M was the best dancer of all!”  While it is sweet to know that MIL was proud, for the record, M is NOT one of the best dancers.  She doesn’t really get the graceful details like straight fingers and pointed toes.  Actually, her hands tend to look a little more like claws.  But she loves it and she has friends in the class, so I am thrilled.   (And amused by the claw hands, but that is just the kind of mom I am.)

That was all for this weekend.   It was a LOT.

M performing her dance.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

I have been suitably chastized for not posting more often.  But I figured the whole move or don’t move discussion must be wearing a little thin for other folks.   I know it is getting quite old for me, but I can’t avoid it.  Additionally, the stress in my normally non-stressful life has created a huge kink in my neck for the last few days.  So, let’[s not talk about it right now.

Tonight, we are supposed to get a big snowstorm.   There is this bizarre phenomenon in the midwest when a big storm is predicted:  everyone runs to the grocery store and buys all the milk and bread.   I don’t know if it is post-traumatic stress from the Blizzard of ‘78, or what, but it is insane.  I already went shopping this week, so we have milk and bread, but the urge to go to the store was almost overwelming.  I went to the library and got a few books and videos instead.

This weekend is the first of TWO birthday parties for M.  One for the extended family, one for M’s friends.  Our house is too small for the two to be combined, so two parties it is.  I will refrain from ranting about the ridiculous amounts of money that appear to have been spent on other preschooler birthday parties we have attended, but note for the record that I am appalled by the decadence.  M’s parties will be small cake and ice cream affairs at our house.  (Sadly, this is because the ice cream store was booked that day, so I can’t avoid cleaning the house to my great disappointment.)

Also, we have to get our act together to prepare for Chinese New Year next week.  We need to get our banner thingys, clean the house, and buy some groceries.  I think we also need to get some new hongbao because the one’s Mr. A bought apparently have the name “Liu” on them.  I am assuming these are supposed to be given by the Liu family, which is not the name of anyone in our house.   Damn illiteracy strikes at the Chinese dollar store.

I am off to watch Lost.  I hope it doesn’t suck.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

Last night, I asked M to stop reading and go brush her teeth.

She ignored me.

I asked her again, a little louder.

She didn’t acknowledge me in any way.

I told her to brush her teeth with a bit of a sharp, loud voice.

She just turned her page and kept reading.

Finally, I yelled “M!  I told you to go brush your teeth!  When Mommy asks you to do something, you have to do it!”

M slammed her book shut, jumped up, stomped her foot, glared at me and yelled:
“I *HEARD* you!  I didn’t want to listen!   And when you talk like that, that is why we say 

You! 

Are! 

A!

YELLER!!!!!!!!!!”

I can see that five years-old is going to be a lot like 15 years-old in some ways.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the yeller tree.

Originally published at American Family. Please leave any comments there.

Due to the unseasonably warm weather today, I took the girls to the park before M’s swimming lessons.  About 50,000 other parents had the same idea, so the playground was packed.

As I was pushing L on the swings (and simultaneously talking to Chicagomama on the phone), when a little boy who was probably about 7 years old tugged on my sleeve.

“Hey LADY!  Hey Lady! Do you ever watch Jon and Kate Plus 8???”  he asked.

“HUH?  The TV show?  Why do you want to know if I watch that show?” I replied.

“Well, uh, because that girl with you..” as he points at M on the next swing over, “…she looks like Mady on that show!!!  I wondered if you are babysitting for Mady?”

“Oh! No.” I replied, “She is my daughter her name is M.” (M is not short for Mady fortunately!)

“Ohhhh.  I love that show.” said the kid, clearly disappointed.   Then he walked off. 

The truth is, M got a haircut last week and she actually does look a little bit like Mady on Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Or rather, both M and Mady look mixed Asian and white and have hair of a similar length.

A few minutes later, the kid’s mom came over and apologized to me for what her kid said.  She said she had told him not to ask us, but he did it anyway. 

“Well, my husband is Asian so M is biracial,” I said, “ The kids on that show are biracial, too.  I can see why he sees a resemblence.” 

“Yes, well I told him not to bother you!” said the mom.

I wasn’t especially bothered by this incident (actually, I thought it was kind of funny), but it was the first time I felt like another kid was identifying M as something other than white.  The mom seemed rather embarrassed by her kid and also by my pointing out the race thing, so that kind of confirmed it in my head.

The conversation did not seem to interest M at all.  She was focused on trying to get me to follow her agenda and spot her on the monkey bars.  We have had a crazy day today, but I will ask her tomorrow if she heard and if she has any thoughts about it.  She also occasionally watches Jon & Kate plus 8, so she will know who he was talking about.

It was going to happen sooner or later, I guess.  I should probably get a little more proactive and start talking to M about how she can answer these questions herself.

Edited to add: I realized after I wrote this it isn’t the first time another kid has questioned M’s race, but the other times were by Chinese/ Chinese American kids trying to figure out if M was Chinese too, even though she doesn’t speak Chinese as well as they do. That was in the context of Chinese school so it wasn’t very surprising.  Today’s thing kind of caught me off guard.